Miscarriage

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I don’t know where to even start this post. Like most of my posts, I’ve written it and rewritten it in my head a thousand times.  I haven’t even posted in such a long time because M keeps me happier and busier than I ever thought a child could keep me.  But this is my therapy.  I can write all the stuff rattling in my head, and if helps one person or even just myself, I feel like I have done my job…

Early in January we were surprised by a positive pregnancy test. With all the stuff that we had done to have M, and after having her trying to get pregnant again, we were shocked again when it actually happened a second time.  After the initial shock wore off, the glee of being pregnant kicked in.  We told family and close friends and started to get used to being a family of 4.  Mid-January on a Friday, I started not feeling well and started some small complications.  After calling the doctors, I was told to relax and just keep an eye on it.  And I did, for almost 4 weeks.  I’m not shortening the story here, but it was a long 4 weeks of ups and downs.  Of doctors and nurses telling us not to worry, of more and more complications, and then sonograms of seeing the heartbeat, of more and more complications, and doctors telling me I was miscarrying, to seeing the heartbeat again, to eventually miscarrying on February 9th.  It was awful, it was physically and mentally painful, and it was tiring.  Oh so tiring.  My brain hurt, my body hurt, and my heart hurt.  With that said, I can not imagine the pain that a miscarriage causes if you don’t already have a child.  I have said it before and will say it a thousand more times.  We were blessed with M.

Oh, and did I mention it happened again within 3 months? This time much sooner in the process, but it still happened.  I had that positive pregnancy test, and then complications, and then the negative test.  And again I’m tired.  And again I hurt.  And this time I didn’t deal with it probably the way that I should.  I haven’t taken time to grieve.  I haven’t taken a day to myself.  And I will, in time.

Dan and I haven’t talked about having more kids at this point. We have danced around it, but he hurts too.  We were blessed with M and she is our world.  That’s all we need to know right now.  The rest will be as it is, and we will be okay.

Stress? What Stress? There is no such thing as stress in my life!?!?

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I write this title at 11:18pm on a Saturday night while everyone else in this house is sleeping.  Including the dogs.  Dan is in bed early due to a Steeler game tomorrow morning, and I’m hanging out waiting for the fire to die down.  I will go to bed before this post is finished, but at least I will have it started.  So if timing is off as you read it (like if the Steeler season is done), don’t be too confused.  I just can’t stay awake much longer and I have a ton of stuff going on these days that this might drop from priority for a bit…

I failed.  My goal with I started this blog was to blog once a week.  Didn’t happen.  I might have been close in the beginning, but this fall things went down hill.  It’s not that I didn’t WANT to blog once a week, I just ran out of steam and other things had to come first.

I stress (like most females do outwardly, and most men internalize) about everything.  From the small things … no I didn’t come up with an idea for dinner AGAIN until on my way home … to financial, to am I raising my daughter right? To am I doing my job to the best of my ability?  Through all of this I take almost no time to myself.  Unless you count perusing Facebook before I fall asleep most nights.  To be honest I haven’t even had time for that the past few months, so sorry if I missed your birthday or wedding/food/vacation/kid/pet pics. 😦 September and October are two of Dan’s busiest months at work which leaves me to keep the house and M in order more than normal.  In October, my busy time kicks in and I start bringing home work with me almost every night.  Which entails being on the computer most nights for a few hours after M is in bed.  The only reason I do that is to semi keep the stress down the following day at work.  It stinks, but must be done…It’s self preservation.

With all this said, I deal.  Sometimes by screaming and yelling, and sometimes by crying, and sometimes by just keeping moving.

I read my timehop this other day and one of my previous Facebook posts said “This week is one of the most exhausting and exhilarating weeks of the whole year for me at my job.” It’s true, and most days I wouldn’t change it,  I would however some days wish I could clone myself both at home and at work, but don’t we all.

One of my favorite quotes lately was “You will never be done”, so true.  So in the meantime, just keep smiling and try to breathe…take that time for yourself, get a massage, have a glass of wine…And don’t forget when it comes to your kiddos and life in general, take time and don’t blink.

 

Which is better? Whole Foods or Trader Joes?

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So, we all know I’m a Trader Joe’s fan. I like Whole Foods, but I just like Trader Joe’s better. Now if Trader Joe’s would put a store in Robinson, I would be the first one in that store. No seriously. I would probably take the day off from work.

I was talking with my sister-in-law last weekend about the Whole Foods vs Trader Joes debate this weekend and then I got an article in my email the Monday after. It was a sign that I needed to write this post. It didn’t hurt that I had to talk Dan out of buying some pre processed sauce with all kinds of crap in it that I couldn’t pronounce when we were at Target this weekend. He was not happy with me. 

“C”lue-My favorite part of the whole article? “Trader Joe’s claims the following for all products under the “Trader Joe’s” brand name (which is a large percentage of food sold there): “The finest quality, natural ingredients.” NO artificial flavors, colors or preservatives, NO MSG, NO added Trans Fats.” Are they all healthy for you? No, but they are a heck of a lot better. I didn’t promise I would only eat fruits and veggies this year, just promised I would eat things that are better for me.

“L”ink-Want to read the full article? Check it out here.  I have mentioned the app fooducate before. It rocks. Again I don’t use it for every single thing, but when I’m looking for a better juice/yogurt/bread it’s the first place I check.

“T”houghts- I had to talk Dan out of buying some pre processed sauce with all kinds of crap in it that I couldn’t pronounce when we were at Target this weekend. He was not happy with me.  I don’t have time to read every single label out there, but I try when I can. And let’s be honest. There are some labels I don’t want to read. For example…I love me some Smarties candies. I don’t want to know what is in there. They are just good.

The Listerine foot soak…

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So I had to try. It’s all over Pinterest and my feet needed some help after this long winter!

Sounded crazy but it worked! I adjusted the recipe so it covered both my feet and I added some baking soda to help whiten my nails. Mix 1 cup listerine (any kind but I used the clear. I kept hearing some people say the blue turned their feet blue), 1 cup vinegar, two tablespoons of baking soda, and 2 cups of warm water. Soak feet for 10 minutes. I then scrubbed with a foot scrub and got a shower. I didn’t want my feet smelling of vinegar.

It was a nice way to spend 15 minutes
on Mother’s Day! Relaxing!!

Sleep…It’s great if you can get it…

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So we have been pretty lucky since M started sleeping through the night. Most nights (unless she is sick), once asleep about 8pm she stays asleep until somewhere between 6am and 8am.  10-12 hours.  Not bad.  Granted, she was about 10 months old when she started sleeping through the night, but I will take it.  The topic of many facebook posts, office conversations, and lunch chats this week have been about sleep so I thought it might be a good topic for the week.  Think about it.  How many times a day does someone say they are tired to you, you say you are tired to someone else, or you just don’t feel like you have the energy you want? If you are anything like me, it is a lot. 

“C”lue-Based on information from SleepFoundation.org the amount of sleep we need varies based on age, and also by person.  Research says there is no “magic number”/  I’m pretty sure I need 12 hours…and don’t get it.

“L”ink-My biggest problem is getting back to sleep if M wakes me up due to a nightmare or if our dog Hailey decides that it is not okay that there is a thunderstorm happening outside. And yes, we have tried the Thundershirt, anxiety pills, and other techniques to calm her during storms.  It’s all crap.  This past Monday night both happened within an hour of one another.  I had just fallen back asleep from Hailey’s meltdown to be awaken by Maddy screaming because of a nightmare.  About 5 minutes after Maddy was up, she was back and settled in bed.  I was not.  Tossing and turning and thinking about everything under the sun and not being able to relax.  So I googled…here is what I found.  7 Ways to Get Back to Sleep  One thing I learned from getting up 4 times a night when Maddy was a baby.  Don’t look at the clock.  Just don’t do it.  Otherwise you will just be thinking how many hours until you have to get up.  It took me a while to train myself not to look, but I don’t anymore and it really does help.  I also will use the relaxation technique that they talk about in #4.  One thing my mom used to tell me from when I was little.  I guess she wanted me to fall back asleep quickly too.  🙂 

“T”hought- Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Herb Tea – 8 out of 10. I wouldn’t suggest it if you wake in the middle of the night, but if you are having trouble sleeping try it.  And keep it consistent.  Two weeks is what it takes to see if an herb or medicine is working for you.  Maybe it becomes a habit, maybe it works.  It has helped me in the past!

Migraines…

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I have had migraines since I was at least 16. And Migraines with aura from around that time too, however at the time I didn’t know it wasn’t normal to sometimes see colored flashing lights when you had a headache. A few different people sent me the link this week about the new band that is out that you put on your head to help keep migraines at a minimum. My opinion is still out. It kind of freaks me out that you aren’t supposed to use it for more than 20 minutes but then doesn’t go on to explain why not to.

“C”lue-A migraine isn’t just the headache. It’s the nausea, light sensitivity, the sensitivity to smell, the aura….and other symptoms people get. When I’m getting a bad one I can’t talk or think and my brain kind of shuts down. I can’t remember names, or get full sentences out. The other night I was getting one and didn’t realize it until Dan and I were talking and I couldn’t get some/thing out. I still didn’t get it until he asked, “Are you having a migraine?” There are times I have become desensitized to them. My pain tolerance is pretty high and I sometimes will block them out until the pain is so bad and it’s too late to take my meds. Speaking of meds…I take Imitrex to handle all the symptoms and and anti-inflammatory called Etodolac at the same time to help with pain. I have tried daily meds to help keep them at bay and the only thing that has seemed to help is actually magnesium. And that really just helps keep things like the aura shorter & and my bounce back time shorter, nothing for the pain.

“L”ink- The best doctor I have found? Dr. Robert Kaniecki with the headache center in UPMC. His office is amazing and there is over a 6 month wait to get in. If you think you suffer with migraines, he will help. http://www.neurology.upmc.edu/faculty/kaniecki.html

“T”hought-I have found that going to bed and sleeping at night with ice on my head truly helps keep the migraines to a lesser quantity. If I go to bed with one, ice on my head will help lessen it and even sometimes make it go away by morning. There is an ice pack brand that is called Cryo-max. I give it a 10 out of 10. Best one I have found and lasts 8 hours. You can buy at some drug stores and on Amazon.

Sunshine and Butterflies…

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So, I’ve been trying to think happy thoughts this week and think sunshine and butterflies…It’s working some of the time.  Then I walk outside and it is still under 50 degrees.  I hear sunshine and 50 though on Friday.  We can hope!

 

With my focus on sunshine and spring, there comes the time of year that I have all my yearly or semi-annual doctor appointments scheduled.  The dentist…the neurologist for my migraines…a physical…and of course my dermatologist.  I have a history of basal cell cancer on my Dad’s side.  My grandmother, father, and aunt have all had spots removed and two years ago I had my first basal cell spot removed.  It’s not a fun time.  I have a fabulous dermatologist in the South Hills that I love and have recommended her to my family (mom, dad, grandfather, and Dan go there) and have recommended her to a bunch of my friends.  However, we lovingly call her the “cutter”.  Because that’s what she does.  She usually takes a few samples of spots that look suspicious and most times she can fix any bad spots in her office.  Thankfully she has caught my spots before they have gotten out of hand.  With that all said, I beg you to use sunscreen…and I wish when I was younger I didn’t believe the old wives tale that you need that “base tan” so you should use a tanning bed before the summer or vacations.  You don’t.  Maddy was dipped in sunscreen all last summer and I will continue to do it to her.

 

“C”lue-If you need more reasons to uses sunscreen here are 5.  I took them from this article:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/19/sunscreen-benefits_n_3464687.html

 

1. The ozone layer is depleting and your body needs shielding from harmful rays.

2. Skin cancer rates are on the rise and sunscreen has been proven to decrease the development of skin cancer.

3. It helps to prevent facial brown spots and skin discolorations.

4. It also helps to reduce the appearance of facial red veins and blotchiness.

And most importantly…5. It slows down the development of wrinkled, premature aging skin…Who wants to look older than they are??

 

“L”ink- I posted this website before, but here is a link directly to sunscreens:  http://www.ewg.org/2013sunscreen/best-sunscreens/best-beach-sport-sunscreens/?tag=2012SunscreenAd&gclid=CNOgjJee_rwCFYuXOgodJHsAIw Lots of good sunscreens. 

 

“T”hought- We used Alba Botanica Natural Very Emollient Kids Mineral Sunscreen, SPF 30 on Maddy last year.  I give it a 9 out of 10 for the little ones.  Only because it’s thicker, so a little hard to apply sometimes.  This year as she is more active, I will probably pick a spray sunscreen for most of her body and pick a lotion or stick for her face.

Trying to be healthier…

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So in 2014 one of my goals for my family is to eat a little better and be more conscious of what is going into and on our bodies.  We are trying.  As we finish products we buy the healthier version.  I’m not giving up syrup on my pancakes, but we did buy an organic one when Log Cabin ran out.   Not everything is organic, but most have less artificial crap in them.  Don’t worry though, I’m not giving up Oreos or M&M’s yet.  This goes for some of our bath and cosmetic products as well.   I have switched M’s bubble bath when the other one ran out.  Hopefully this year is better than last year and that 2015 is better than 2014.  Baby steps…

 

“C”lue- Speaking of steps, about every 30 Steps there is a garbage can in Disney.  Sorry, had to tie my love of Disney into being more “healthy” and environmentally friendly.

 

“L”ink- The Environmental Working Groups Website: http://www.ewg.org/skindeep/  You can check out your favorite products and find new ones that might be better for you.  My biggest tip on this?  Read, read, read.  Just because something has a bad rating, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use it.  Some of the things that they say are “bad” are just because of a fragrance that you might have an allergy to or something like that.  It still might be better than what you are currently using.  They have an app too that you can use while you are out shopping.

 

“T”hought-Trader Joe’s Coconut Oil-At first glance at the label, Coconut oil doesn’t look much better for you than other oils, but check out this website:  http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/surprising-health-benefits-coconut-oil  Everything in moderation.  If you can’t stand the taste of coconut, don’t worry.  It doesn’t have a strong coconut taste.  Dan and I don’t like coconut, but this doesn’t bother us.  Plus you can use on your skin and has a ton of other uses as well.  10 out of 10.  They also have it in a spray…will try that too soon.